It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A

So I joined the Y again. I was thinking about joining some kind of recreational sports team, like soccer, and then I figured I could just go to the Y instead and play a bunch of things like indoor soccer, volleyball and badminton. And if I can't go one day I don't have to let anybody know. :P Plus my friend Tiphanie is already a member. We're gonna whip each other into shape in no time! lol Let's just hope it sticks this time!

Craigslist

I spend a lot of time on Craigslist at work. I like looking at houses and furniture and whatnot. For whatever reason last week I was going through the "general" section which I rarely ever do and came across this:

http://toronto.craigslist.org/for/372360002.html

I think this is the best thing I've seen on Craigslist thus far. lol

Men TV Needs Funding

We were just watching Penn & Teller: Bullshit! on Men TV. It's about a 35-40 minute long show. Every god damn commercial was for either Future Shop or Gillette!! I kid you not. The only variety was for their own programming commercials. If I see that mustache wearing a cowboy hat one more time, I will kill someone.

Strike a Pose

I was waiting to get off the train and this woman was standing in front of me with her headphones on and she started to bust a move in the middle of the Go train at 8:30 in the morning as the line was forming to get off the train. I had to move back a foot so she didn't dance her way backwards into me. Everyone appeared to be ignoring her but I couldn't help but stare and wonder how these people were doing such a good job of pretending this maniac wasn't there (maybe they're just used to her...I'm not usually on that train). She wasn't even enjoying it. She seriously looked pissed. Like she was working herself up for something. I expected her to pull a knife out on us at any moment. I can't handle shit like that at that time of the morning!

Blogging

Apparently I go through these big spurts where I post like the crazy woman that I am, and then I skip a month or 2 and appear out of nowhere just to freak you all out. Today is that day folks. It's like Halloween in May. Ok. Maybe not. What Blogger needs is a stand alone program that I can just click on from my desk top. Apparently it's far too much effort for me to go through Firefox (which is most likely already open anyway), click on Bookmarks, go to the proper folder and then select the link and hit the login button and then select new post. Seriously. It's damn hard! When I used LiveJournal back in the day (you know, like up until last year...) before everyone hopped on the Blogger bandwagon, I had a program that I clicked on and had to hit "login" and there was a clean page for me to post my little heart out on. So much easier! It was like a little word processor that I could leave open and save for later before publishing, or easily edit my last post without going through a million screens to find it and I would never lose my post if something fucked up with my Internet connection. Someone needs to come up with a program like that or I won't be posting much. I refuse to hit 3 buttons to get here! Except today. Today's the exception. And possibly when I come back to post about something useless like this post when I think of it next month. :P If someone knows of such a miracle program, please enlighten me!

Top 3 Worst Itch Spots

Yes, I'm bored and exhausted to the point of giddiness and my nipple is itching like a mofo, so here is my stupid post du jour (or du mois, considering I haven't posted in about that long).

The list:

1) Itchy Nip - Maybe it's just because it's itching so much right now, but I have to go with the nipple. It hurts to use my nail on it, bras irritate it even more and rubbing my boob all day probably doesn't look that good! It also doesn't help that the cause of the itching is from a cat scratch (yes, on my freaking nipple - cat scratches always make me itchy no matter where they are though) and to top it off I ran into someone's side view mirror with the same boob on my rush to the train this morning so hard that it bent the other way and reminded me of a sad inside out umbrella on a windy day. So it's like sweet and sour chicken ball day, but replace sweet with itchy, sour with sore and chicken ball with boob. :P (I am like sooo totally awesome at this metaphor stuff!)

2) Foot Itch - Specifically when it's on the bottom of your foot while you're wearing thick soled shoes while driving. This phenominon is also known as "the only time I ever want to see that green light turn yellow".

3) An Itch in the Gitch - The two main areas covered by underwear that start itching in public is almost excruciating. Although when you finally get to a private place where you can sit down and do a little bum itch relief dance like a dog scooting across the clean carpet creating a nice brown line with his backside, it makes it all worthwhile. Don't look at me like that...I know I can't be the only one that enjoys a good bum scratch after an hour of torture at the mall with a crack itch!

Honourable Mention: Itchy Ear Canal - I know you're not supposed to put a Q-Tip in there, but it fits so perfectly and makes me weak in the knees. What the hell else would I use 500 of those suckers for? I'll take my chances!

Dang!

When are they going to post the winning numbers for Millionaire for Life? Some of us have to get up in the morning if we don't become millionaires! Now we have to win or else I'll never be able to wake up in the morning.

Pimp My Train

This was a conversation I overheard at work today:

M: My husband and I went to this amazing store this weekend where everything was only a dollar!!
S: What, like Dollarama?
M: Yes!! That's what it was called...oh S, it was unbelievable! We bought 52 things, so now you know how much we spent...teehee!!

The saddest part is that this isn't an isolated incident. I could start an entire blog just based on the "material" this "M" woman throws my way on a daily basis. Unbelievable indeed!

On a completely unrelated note, the GO Trains have been pimped out and now have a handful of TV screens on each level showing ads and news tidbits. I was quite impressed and even tuned my MP3 player to the radio channel it said had sound. It lied by the way...unless that highly static lounge music was supposed to be the sound that went along with the blatant advertisements. I give it about a month before a group of drunken sports fans/concert goers end up vandalizing them. On the plus side, maybe with all this paid advertising, GO won't jack up my $250 monthly pass for another few months. Or they'll have to make it go up even more just to pay for all the smashed up TVs they'll have to replace in a month.

Bikey Bike Bike!

Isn't this one sexy bike? Oh yeah, you want it! lol



Specs:
- adjustable 'Touchless' magnetic resistance
- Competitor® control panel displays distance, RPMs, calories and fat calories burned, heart rate, time, pace, resistance level and speed
- 6 pre-set workouts
- EKGTM Grip Pulse Sensor

And it even has a built in fan! Woo!

So there are smart people left in the retail world!

I ended up going back to Sears to badger them a bit. I was really sad that my "getting fit bubble" was burst, so I decided to take action! I went back and the same girl was there. I asked if there was any way to raise my credit limit on my Sears card in store and she said I'd have to call the number. Too bad they're closed on Sundays and the sale is only on until today. Luckily a guy was standing nearby who overheard the conversation and informed me that you can buy a gift card with one credit card, use it and then pay the rest with the other credit card. It was so simple, yet so brilliant! Of course blondie says "oh, yeah, I guess you could do that". Right, thanks for your help. So I went home got Mike (and his credit card) and bought that mother fuckin bike! Oh and the icing on the cake? I'm only one of 2 people that they knew about this weekend who got $40 off on the scratch and save sale. Damn straight...that's for all the shit I've had to go through to get the damn thing!

Sears doesn't want me to lose weight...

I'm serious...it's terrible! I have decided that having a piece of exercise equipment in our basement would be much more effective than paying a gym membership for a gym I never use. I get home and I don't want to leave again, but if I had a bike or elliptical in the basement, I could go down in my pjs and have my running shoes down there, turn on the tv to whatever I want to watch at whatever volume I feel like and go! I could handle 30 minutes to an hour every day or two. I know I could do it no problem. I generally stick to the same pieces of equipment when I go to the gym anyway, so it's not like I would get bored of it.

I decided to buy something from Sears. I heard good things and I have some money left on my Sears card. I've been doing some research and checking prices and flyers like mad. We went to check out some ellipticals...wayyy too cheap and crappy. I was really upset because I was sooo excited about getting one, but I'm not going to spend that much (even if it's not that expensive) on something that can't take a little abuse from being in the store. Then I checked out some recumbant bikes...getting better. The girl tells me this Saturday and Sunday that one I had my eye on was going on sale for $200 off. I also see an elliptical for $300 off in the flyer that looks decent. We go in today and decide that I can get the expensive bike or the elliptical by putting half on my Sears card and half on Mike's Visa as long as I promise to stick with it. Deal! We're back in business! With our taxes due and whatnot, it's the best we can do right now. First off, the elliptical wasn't in store. I'm not buying something I can't even try out. So I decide to go for the bike which is kind of what I had my mind set on anyway. They ring it in and I get $20 from the skratch and save sale (oh boy..lol) and I go to give her my Sears card and ask her to put on half. "Oh sorry, we can't split up credit cards. We can split debit and cash, but not credit cards." WTF?? What kind of business practice is that? Instead of asking for a manager (which I should have done), I left. I was just so stunned, I left.

Fuck that. When I win my million dollars for life on Wednesday, I'm going to go in to Sears and tell them I'm buying an entire home gym, then when they ask how they can help, I will continue by saying, "Oh sorry, you didn't let me finish...I'm not buying it here...I just wanted you to know that you're assholes and I'm spending all sorts of money somewhere else." Then I'll feel much better! lol

So I went to Michael's and bought some watercolours and paint brushes instead. If I can't make myself pretty, I might as well at least make some pretty pictures right? :P

Photoshop

I like to mess around with Photoshop a lot. Sometimes I have an idea of what I want to do, but about 80% of the time, I just start making a mess and I see what comes out of it. This is one of those messes. I set out to make a weird creature in front of an ice castle, but this is what happened. Yeah, not quite the same result, but it made me laugh, so I went with it. I'm still kind of confused about where the ostrich came into the picture. I guess it just seemed boring without him. Anyway, to see more of my weirdness (like you haven't seen enough just by reading this short lived blog so far), head on over to my deviantART page: http://retinyl.deviantart.com/

The Chronicles of Martina: The Lion, The Superhero, and the Football Game

Anyone who knows me well, knows I have the weirdest dreams ever! Last night was a good one! First, Mike was going to a meeting this morning (which is true) and he gave me his cell phone for whatever reason. The meeting was at 10 and he called me about an hour later to tell me he'd be another 18 hours. I was half asleep so I told him "okay" and hung up. Then I woke right up and realized he said 18 hours when he should have been just about done. I was dialing the phone (I always have trouble dialing phones in my sleep...I think it's one of the very few recurring themes I have in dreams) and finally started to dial his phone number properly (after a few tries) when I realized I had it in my hand. Crap! I realized he was probably off galavanting, so I decided to go by the hotel where the meeting was being held to see if his car was still there so I could bust him later!

I guess I forgot I had a car, because I started walking over. Except that by walking, I mean super speed running and leaping over tall things. Apparently I have super powers of some sort. I ran into someone I knew and we began running and leaping all over the place.

I ended up in my old grade 6 classroom and we were looking at pictures of people we knew when I realized that nobody there liked me and everyone was jealous I had super powers. I told the friend I was with to hang tight and I made myself part of one of the pictures on the wall so nobody could see who I was and I could spy on them. My perception was really messed up at this point and I felt really disoriented, so I decided it was a bad idea and got out of the picture and left the school.

Outside was London in the 1800s. I was in a gloomy alley now and this big old prostitute (I'm assuming that's what she was since she was hanging out in alleys) was trying to thwart my plans. I cast a spell on her that made her not realize when she had to use the bathroom. Ok, so maybe I don't have super powers...I'm probably a magician of some sort. I'm trying to escape the alley when I see her taking a dump in the middle of the street. I'm starting to regret the choice of spell I used on her.

I round a corner and I can now see the football stadium. Oh did I not tell you? I'm no longer looking for Mike at the hotel, I'm supposed to be in the Super Bowl and I can't be late. I have super powers (or something) and they need me to be there or else our team won't win! Nobody wants me there, because the other team knows they have no chance. I have people on all sides trying to stop me from reaching the stadium. I'm faster than them though! I speed through them all and dodge people left and right (this is great practice for the game!) and finally make it on to the field just in time! The other team is the red team and I'm the green team. Apparently we don't have names.

As I'm waiting for the game to start, I see my friend, the giant white lioness, sitting at the side of the field. I go over to her and have this strong feeling that she has something important to do with all of this, but I can't puzzle out what it is. I sit down and start petting her huge head and let her suckle on my finger. It feels kind of funny and hurts a bit - she is a giant lion after all.

And that's when I woke up with a sore finger. My hand wasn't in a weird position or anything either. True story!

Crinokole, crinokole!!

Me speak good. This is the truth of the matter. Sometimes I just shout out random things. Especially when I'm excited. I don't think before I speak, so half the time I just spew out various strings of sounds that really don't go together and certainly don't form comprehensive sentences or even real words. For some reason this amuses me so much more than it worries me. I think I am slowly turning into Homer Simpson (see Exhibit A below).

Exhibit A